Overwhelmed by all the feels

BETRAYED HUSBAND: I have been on my own for around 8 days now and there are still 4 more to go. My emotions have run the gambit. I have been angry and excited, sad and tender, scared and happy and all variations in between. Often I am some degree of all of them simultaneously.

I am disgusted by the affair but at the same time excited to see my wife again. I am scared that during her time alone my wife has decided to leave me but also hopeful that she has found clarity and a more defined sense of self. I have a vindictive side that calls out for ‘justice’ but also a peaceful side that cries out for reconciliation. The dichotomies are practically endless and likely all relevant.

I have always been a stoic. Growing up I always saw how my family was ruled by their emotions and the chaos it wrought. I made a concerted effort to control my emotions, some might say repress. I was determined to be the master of my emotions and not the slave. All of this to say that I don’t really have a lot experience with this level of turmoil. Often times I don’t know what to do. Even now nearly a year after discovery I occasionally stare at my food.

But I have made progress, I have healed. At least some. My wife is still my best friend and I miss her. I still want to spend my life with her and make the future we have talked about. I still want to be holding her hand when the sun sets on our life.

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7 thoughts on “Overwhelmed by all the feels

  1. You put it so well into words. The conflicting feelings of wanting justice, but also peace and healing. The part that is most important is that you miss her and I am convinced she misses you too.
    This foundation of friendship will help you both to get through. There are many steps, but when the person who had the affair is totally honest and no longer holds back or hides behind “false” justifications….the road to healing and reconciliation is wide open.

    Like

  2. I can understand what you’re saying about why you learned to lock all the feels away… But I have been thinking about it since I read your post… I think when you marry someone, those feelings belong to them… They are supposed to get all of you.
    Suppressing or withholding them does you both a disservice.
    Just my thoughts

    In any case… I’m rooting for you both

    Like

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