Thirty

UNFAITHFUL WIFE: Sometimes it feels like every day is a struggle against myself. Every natural reaction I have is wrong. It’s too selfish or to anxious or too something.

This isn’t just since the affair, although it has been accentuated since then. On some level, though, it feels like this has been going on my whole life.

Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I fail, but every time is a struggle.

And that gets exhausting.

I turned 30 last week.

Look, I’m not going to kill myself so don’t get your panties in a wad, but I kind of wouldn’t mind if I didn’t make it to 31.

Thirty to sixty more years of life, I get tired just thinking about it.

 

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8 thoughts on “Thirty

  1. I read some interesting stuff. I cannot say that I fully got it, and it got me a bit upset, but there was some truth in it and it might help you. I will find the post.

    Like

  2. it is Alex Moses “in search of awakening” on WordPress. The essay looks at two sides of betrayal, and that both sides loyalty and betrayal are in everyone. When you can see both sides in yourself, regardless whether you betrayed or were the betrayer, you will feel more balanced. I struggle with it, but I read all, to see where these people are coming from. They also talk about knowledge and believes, I believe that the post on having both sides in you is true for many things, but in regards to betrayal in relationships, it might depend on the situation. There is too much variety to give it one answers and one explanation or solution, but of course, that is based on believes and not on knowledge.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way. I do believe turning 30 was very hard for me as well. Not to mention all of the other things you’ve endured. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

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